The morning sun is beginning to crest over the peak, casting a brilliant, warm amber glow across the mountain trail. It is spring and as the fresh air fills my lungs, I feel the unmistakable electricity of a new beginning. For over a year, my trainers sat in the back of my closet, caked in a thin layer of fine dust—a silent, physical marker of the day my world shifted on its axis for the second time. I know this dark, heavy pattern all too well. Years ago, when my brother tragically passed away, the immense emotional trauma completely disrupted my body. Even though I didn’t alter my diet or my lifestyle at the time, the sheer weight of that sorrow caused me to pick up twenty kilograms. My body was simply reacting to a broken heart, forcing me to learn how to balance without a fundamental piece of my structure. Eventually, I found my way back to health, dropped down from seventy-six kilograms to fifty-four kilograms and rediscovered the consistent, five-day-a-week routine that made me active and happy:
But then, last year, I lost my mother and as I did after my brother's passing, the grief caused me to stop training completely. Because my metabolism is heavily accustomed to constant physical exertion since my childhood days as a gymnast, softball player and dancer, stopping so suddenly meant my body shape changed once more. The inactivity and grief-induced hormonal imbalances brought back the weight, both physically and emotionally. My body chose stillness because pushing myself felt like an impossible demand on an already empty tank. That crushing silence is the exact reason why there was a complete break in my writing on this blog from August 2025 to May 2026. This creative space is designed as an enjoyment journal—a place meant exclusively for stories about good, bright and happy things. When the joy inside me temporarily vanished, I simply couldn't find the words to fill these pages until this:
Right now, finishing my very first morning cardio session jogging through the crisp mountain paths, the reality hits me with full force. Standing here among the greenery, looking down at my dusty sneakers, I realise that stopping was what my heart needed to survive the loss, but staying still forever will not bring them back. Honestly, restarting today is incredibly difficult. It is not impossible but it is a massive mental and physical hurdle to overcome. Having spent my entire life accustomed to consistent training, the hardest part of this comeback is the psychological battle of starting small and moving slow. My brain wants to sprint up this mountain, matching the pace and power I'm used to but my body is simply not there yet. As I jog and walk and then jog again, I can feel the initial tightness creeping in, a clear warning of the deep muscle soreness and rigid stiffness that will hit me over the next forty-eight hours. Waking these muscle fibres back up after a prolonged bout of hibernation, is going to hurt. To overcome the challenge and stay entirely focused, I am building remedies directly into my routine. I'm counteracting the stiffness by staying meticulously hydrated, fuelling correctly and dedicating a massive chunk of time to active recovery. My blueprint to restart training is not about rushing into a desperate, short-term fix because I know from experience that sustainable health requires a gradual, steady pace. Re-establishing consistency is key to happiness by returning to a simple thirteen-to-fourteen-hour fasting window, coupled with clean eating. I intend stepping back onto the gym floor and rebuild my schedule. From there, I am returning to functional training, focusing entirely on form and gradually increasing the resistance as my strength returns. I'll eventually return to yoga to eradicate trapped tension and incorporate sessions in the sauna and steam room to relax my nervous system, soothe aching muscles and flush out toxins from this past sedentary period.
We must always remember that it is entirely okay to not be okay. We are not robots; we are living, feeling beings who go through a multitude of different experiences with various ways of handling and getting through it. There is no prescribed right way to mourn, nor is there a universal timeline for recovery. Having been involved in sports since childhood, I only truly feel like myself when I am fit, active, healthy and when I move my body every day. Yet, what feels right and authentic to someone else may look very different to this, and that too is fine. Health is highly individualistic and it is entirely possible to overcome the lowest points, regain internal strength and achieve personal goals.
I know I can return to fitness and regain a sharp, stable mindset because my muscle memory and athletic spirit are still woven into who I am, waiting to be reawakened by the freshness of a restart. Anyone who has survived the shattering weight of loss can achieve this too, because the human body and mind possess an extraordinary measure of resilience that does not vanish because it went dormant during a time of mourning. Committing to getting up again after being knocked down is the hardest part, but rising up against the sadness is what matters. By focusing on gradually regaining my form and restoring the natural, vibrant harmony of my physical health, I am tapping back into the innate power of my body. The work is entirely worth it because taking care of yourself is the ultimate act of love and reclaiming your own life. Moving your body allows you to physically process and release the grief that words cannot express and building physical strength gives you the actual fortitude needed to carry your precious memories forward. Training is not an act of moving on or forgetting what we cherish; it is an act of honouring the legacy of joy, courage and vitality that they left behind.
Standing here on the mountain today, looking out at the endless horizon, I take a deep breath and accept the ending of my stillness. To anyone who has gone through or is facing a similar situation, know that the strength is still inside us, the dawn is breaking and we can step back into the swing of things together, one courageous and fresh movement at a time as we reboot and reset.
Reboot and Reset by EJ for EJblogtv
an Enjoyment Journal about Everything EJ
xoxo